| "There's a part of you that wants to fight, but I never really had the appetite." |
[May. 7th, 2009|10:33 am] |
Song lyric of the moment-"Leave it to be taken upon the breeze. The wind is always blowing."-Gomez
My power cord is officially dead. Broken in at least 5 places. The good news is at least I have a new one on the way. Sigh...
Had my last day of youth group yesterday. There were some fights and some inappropriate name calling. I don't get it. What is going on in these kids heads that makes them think that this stuff is okay, in a church no less? Some of the kids just live in a world of their own. Some have some real issues, which is why we fight so hard to keep them where they are. I've tried my best to relax my attitude a bit and not be so quick to rise; they don't need my anger, and when they do, it's more effective if it's not my default mode. I told one kid that he was too nice and too smart and too beautiful to use the ugly words he was using, and I gave him the option of apologizing or going to talk to my boss (which isn't exactly a punishment). He chose to apologize and he did. I was impressed. Sometimes, a lot of the time, I wonder if we get through to them. I guess sometimes we do.
I've been thinking about Caroline Broome lately. I suppose that's because she's the last real friend I lost. That really killed me, y'know? This right now, losing another friend, hurts as well. It hurts a lot. It's not the same, though. With Caroline, it was the first time it happened, and I had known her for 4 years, and I just didn't understand why it was happening. This, well, I did what I could. I tried to be patient. I was honest. I was direct and said what I wanted. It brought about nothing but silence. There's nothing else I can do. I guess that really sucks, too, to know you've done all you could in a situation and the other person still can't or won't meet you half way. I can't either way that things would be okay if he talked to me today, because I honestly don't know. I've lost faith that he will, though. He's surprised me with his callousness. He continues to live his life and doesn't miss me as his friend. I just have to move on, I guess. I have tons of friends, and yes, losing one hurts, but I went down fighting. I don't know what he did. He did nothing. At least Caroline apologized. Four years later, she apologized.
I'm tired of hearing about people's relationship drama. I know that I'm supposed to be a good friend and a good listener, but do I have to hear about everyone's drama. How many people have situations of not being over people? How many people can't sort things out? How many people are just simply with the wrong person? No one takes my advice anyway, and it kind of sucks to be surrounded by couples and people in emotional turmoil when it's just me, alone. I just need a break. I can't be the doctor all the time, can I? I need a doctor.
-Dr. B |
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angelinawannabe's journal
tired