Current location:	Work
Current mood:	scared
Current music:	"Coin-Operated Boy"-Dresden Dolls

Self-realizations
Song lyric of the moment-"That is why I want a coin-operated boy"-Dresden Dolls

Ever have something really big happen in the world around you and it suddenly puts you on this track where suddenly stuff that was bothering you starts to REALLY get to you and you're in the middle of a crisis or something? Okay, I'm not there yet, but I'm on my way, I think.

It starts with Iowa.

So, Iowa did this amazing thing today and made gay marriage legal.  Iowa.  Name three things Iowa is famous for besides corn, their caucus, and Radar O'Reilly.  Exactly.  In the middle of the Bible Belt, the gays can get married.  I could write lots of commentary and such, but I feel like all you really need to know is this is FUCKING HUGE.  Even better?  The Iowa politicians don't seem to be upset over this and don't seem to really want to put a constitutional amendment against this on the table anytime soon.  Could that change?  Of course.  Am I hopeful that things will be okay for a bit?  Yes.

Of course, the fact that gay marriage got a thumbs up got me thinking about being half gay (I think I'm gonna use that more) and about marriage and about being 23 and watching my friends get engaged and married and living happily together while I come home to my roommate and sleep next to a stuffed dog and oh God, I'm going to be single forever.   I'm going to spend the rest of my life falling for boys who are more interested in my thinner, girlyer, more beautiful friends, and for girls who aren't interested in relationships or feelings or girls or me.  I'm going to go out into a world of happy couples and pretty people and continue to be too awkward or too ugly or too nervous to ever catch anyone's attention and join their ranks.  I'm going to make money writing stories and plays with characters who resemble me in some fashion but are successful and get the boy or the girl and smile at people who like my work while knowing that I'm really just living through my characters.  I'm going to get used to people I want to be with telling me how cool and fun and smart and awesome I am and having to hold back snapping at them "who gives a shit if you think I'm awesome?  you still don't want to go out with me."  Oh man, I really AM going to be alone forever.

Tell me, isn't my quarter life crisis supposed to be over yet?

-Dr. B